I have been dreaming a lot lately, and usually I'll remember everything in those few moments after immediately waking. And then as I brush my teeth and shower, those memories will start to disappear, and I find myself grasping at them, trying to hold on to those fleeting moments.

Here are some excerpts I remember, some more detailed than the other.

-Dancing to Smack That by Akon with 3 girls. Just the 4 of us in the room or wherever we were. Don't remember the context. And that's all I remember about the dream.

-Bob Stoops called me to play LB against Nebraska. We lost 45-13. I don't remember how well I played or when I came into the game. So just looking at the score, either I came in at the end of the game and played well, or I started and played horrible. Or Landry could have thrown like 7 pick 6's. Then the score would have been out of my hands.

-Last night's dream. I was leaving class, but the building was super futuristic. Completely made of glass. All the entrances were sliding doors, etc. I had wanted to get out of there quick. A couple of my classmates had stayed back to eat lunch. I remember running after someone asking if she wanted to carpool to our next destination, wherever that was I don't know. In my pursuit, I happened to drop my new iPad 2 that I didn't notice I was carrying. The screen popped off in the same way a snap on protective case would pop off the phone. I don't know if the iPad 2 could have been fixed or not. I just laid there on the asphalt, right next to the iPad, crying my eyes out. Then, I remember looking inside the iPad and trying to understand how it worked. My motives remain unclear; it could have been to build my own iPad and sell it to make money, or just plain old curiosity.

Any dream interpretors out there want to lend me a hand?

T Do

Sleepless nights bring out the diary writer in me.

For as long as I can remember, I have been on an impossible quest. One that no mortal person can ever finish. Seeking it has probably ruined many relationships.

PERFECTION

I realize that it is unattainable. But that doesn't stop me from seeking it. It has made me afraid of failure.

Example, I get extremely anxious when put on the spot, when all eyes are turned towards me. I used to be pretty good with this in elementary school. Spitting correct answers left and right. Raising my hand so often, I would switch to the left arm because the right became exhausted.

But now, public speaking has got me figuratively sweating buckets. My heart races. My eyes dart around the room looking for anything to say. My fingers massage each other. I frantically search my brain for the right combination of words.

It's not just public speaking. Anything where I am the center of attention. Anything where I'm not 100% sure I'm perfect. There's that word again.

Afraid of putting myself out there. Afraid of failure. Afraid of embarrassment.
That's why I hide behind a blog no one can find. It's no longer linked. And the followers I had are long gone now (Thanks Tumblr =D).

So sometime between elementary school and now, something went wrong.
Time to start anew.
Time to try new things. And if I fail, I'll laugh with everyone else and move on.
Time to embrace IMPERFECTION.
I'm here.

T Do

A friend asked me a while back why my blog is so emo? To which I replied, "I don't need to tell people when I'm happy." Which now that I have had time to think about it, is totally misguided.

It's unfair for someone to hear all your hardships and sorrows and not be able to reap the benefits of also hearing all your joys and happiness. However, if I don't write about something good that happened right away, I tend to forget it even happened. The good feeling still stays with me the rest of the day though. Bad things are like a rainy cloud, they just seem to hover over your head all day and no matter what you do, you just can't get out from under it.

I would like to compare this to dreaming if you would allow me. We never seem to remember our good dreams unless we write them down immediately upon wakening. But with nightmares, they tend to stick with you forever. I still remember a nightmare I had when I was 8 about a mummy chasing me through my backyard. Even though I have/had no fear of mummies whatsoever, the vivid picture still sticks with me.

So I'll try to recount the good things that have happened in my life since 09/12/10, my last blog date.

1) God granted me a 25th year on His green earth.
2) My grandmother is no longer in pain and finally at peace.
3) I am still on my way to graduating.
4) Thanks to ObamaCare, I am getting good health insurance again starting 01/01/11.
5) Family gets closer everyday.
6) I didn't burn the house down cooking the turkey.
7) I didn't freeze my toes off waiting in line for Black Friday.
8) My parents are still happily married after 25 years together!
9) Used my Hangman skills to cash in my good karma.
10) Reconnected with some old friends.
11) Welcomed a new baby boy to our large family: Baby Hien (Caiden).
12) Graciously gifted the Civic to the sister.
13) Jumped in a moon bounce.
14) Went to a Thunder game. They lost :(
15) Re-met some family members.
16) Tried Bobo's Chicken (It's overrated)
17) About to close a large chapter in my life, or at least leave it to be continued.
18) Haven't wasted any money at the movie theaters.
19) Say Toy Story 3 again, but this time was more like a man and didn't cry.
20) Driving an Accord now. I like it better than the Civic. 2x :)
21) Been to the airport way too much in the last 3 months.
22) Went to shoot pool once, came home smelling like smoke. I hate shooting pool.
23) Perfecting my British accent so I can make fun of Beckham. (Pronounce "not" like "note" and "can't" like "cawn't")
24) Life To Be Continued...

T Do

Everyday it seems,

Shoulders get a little less lighter,
Hair turns a little less darker,
Skin becomes a little less tighter,
Mind grows a little less wiser.

Eyes grow a little heavier,
Smiles become a little cloudier,
Clocks turn a little slower,
Faith gets a little stronger.

I can smell it. The sweet scent of lady summer. I can honestly say this is the summer that I have looked forward to the most. Not because I'm tired of unsummer, but a little break right now is what I need to refresh the mind.

I can taste it. The seemingly endless carefree moments. Where my biggest worry every night will be what time I should wake up the next morning. That's not to say I won't do anything productive these next three months. Because I intend to stay very busy.

I can see it. That light at the end of the tunnel. Let's just hope it's not an oncoming train, ready to put a damper on what will be a start to a wonderful summer, filled with soccer, golf, baseball, ships, the ocean, and so much more.
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Rant:

Life is a game of politics, and if you can not play it, they you might as well get out. There is a right way of doing something, and there is a fair way of doing something. Life is not fair, so either learn how to do things correctly, or you are going to be burned again. Throw away the "me against the world" attitude. Otherwise you will soon realize that it is truly you and you alone that is against the world. The world is very forgiving, but repeated sins against her will soon make you realize that her bitchslap hurts.

If you can not learn to put your emotions aside, you will not survive. Learn that there will always be someone higher that you will have to answer to. You are never your own boss. You may think you make the decisions. You make think that you are the king. Get off your high horse. Keep your ego in check. Life is a game of politics. You want to get things done quickly, quit pissing people off.

To succeed in life, learn to keep your ego in check while stroking other people's egos. I am not saying be a kiss ass. No one likes a kiss ass, but no one likes an arrogant prick either.

Stay humble. It is alright to be confident in your talents and proud of your accomplishments. You work very hard to earn them. But the minute you feel like you are a better person than someone else because of your accomplishment/talents, then you have become an arrogant douchebag.

T Do

What a productive night I'm having, FML.

Anyone I'm going to go to the driving range tomorrow. Seriously thinking about buying a cheap set of clubs and taking lessons over the summer. Game seems really fun. Plus, you can be a pimp like Tiger. My friend told me about this golf class he took in college. How they had a limited number of balls to hit. So they would have to go get their ball everytime they hit it, and I thought to myself, "that sucks."

And then I really thought about it, and realized that is how you play golf. You hit it, go find it, and hit it again, until it falls into the hole. Then repeat. Still thinking about playing though.

And for all you punks that I asked to go play frisbee golf with me and never did. Suck it! I found someone else that enjoys it. But if you ever want to go play, give me a call.

So tomorrow,
9:00 am --> pull pants down and bend over
11:00 am --> lunch
11:30 am --> FIFA
1:30 pm --> stand up straight and pull pants back up
3:00 pm --> sleep
6:00 pm --> go swing some clubs
After that: TBD

Old one but still great

This is how I'm going to feel tomorrow.

Or have I always been like this and no one has had the heart to tell me?

living a happy life should not be this difficult

I have to admit; I am in love with school right now.

But before you question the state of my mind, I want to clarify my statement. I am not in love with waking up at 6:00 am everyday. I am not in love with the way I smell coming out of lab everyday. I am not in love with staying at school until at least 6:00 pm everyday. I am not in love with being away from Norman, OK.

However, I am in love with making a cup of tea every morning and sipping it while in my 8:00 am Biochemistry class. I am in love with the knowledge I come out of class with. I am in love with all the camaraderie that has infected everyone in my class. I am in love with coming home to a freshly cooked meal every night.

So school started 3 weeks ago; but it seems like only yesterday. Everyday seems to move by so quick, and the days become indistinguishable from each other. Free time has become almost non-existent and spontaneous trips, thoughts, and fun have become extinct. I question myself if I find an evening where I do not crack open a textbook.

Google Chrome has this feature where it will list your top sites visited to provide ease of access when first opening the browser. My top 3 a month ago was Facebook, ESPN, and YAHOO! As of now, my top 3 most visited sites are Hippocrates, WebMail, and ESPN. I type my notes in class and often peruse ESPN when I sense a downtime in the lectures.

So all these changes in my life and I am loving every part of it.

I can not sleep. So instead of wasting my energy trying to fight the summer circadian rhythms, I decided to write in my blog. And then, I could not think of anything to write. Bummer...

But after surfing the web, I have stumbled onto something that nobody out there would probably care to read about. I will rank the top 3 movies that have yet to come out this summer that I am very much looking forward to seeing. If you could care less what my opinions are, you probably should not be reading my blog in the first place.

You may ask why this is ranked so far down the list. Most people would have this at the top of the list. However, I have no doubts in my mind that this movie will not be as good as the first one. I don't think there is a lot of new stuff they can put in this movie that was not already in the first one. Plus, it would be weird going to see a movie and having An Mai orgasming to the sight of a CGI Optimus Prime. I will probably not go see this movie at the midnight showing much less the first weekend. Definite second weekend for me.




2. Public Enemies (July 1)
Anything starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale can not be bad. Christian Bale is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors. Despite having the ego and personality of a douche bag. But this movie sounds like a true guy flick. With mobsters, bank robberies, shootouts, and car chases, it sounds a lot like Heat. And guys can take their girlfriends/dates to this movie. The girls would just be distracted by Depp and Bale. No Homo. I might go see this movie the first weekend.





1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (August 7)
Despite the many bad reviews this movie has already received, and the reported firing of the director even before the editing of the film has been finished, G.I. Joe is my most anticipated movie of the summer. From what I hear though, the fanboys in us will have to forget the cartoon series to fully appreciate the movie. I never really watched the cartoons when I was younger, so I have no problem with that. The trailers look awesome and I can not wait to see the adaptation of this series. Definite first weekend.




Movies I will definitely not be watching:

Bruno (July 10)
I just don't think that Sacha Baron Cohen is that funny. I did not think Borat was funny, and I thought he was horrible in Talladega Nights. This movie looks stupid and I would not waste any amount of money to watch this. I would not pay the $8.50 to watch it in theatre, the $4.00 to rent it, or spend the precious 2 hours of my life to sit through this excuse for a movie. I still do not understand how he is dating that hot red-headed chick from wedding crashers (Picture to the left instead of Bruno)




Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 15)
I stopped watching the Harry Potter movies after the 4th one. I never saw the 5th one. Why you ask? The movies never do the books justice because the books are too long and great. What makes the series so great is the side plots and the minor details and the minor characters in the world of Hogwarts. There is just too many things from one book to put into a 2 and a half hour movie. They should have divided each book into two movies. The movies just make it seem like the whole series was about Harry vs Voldemort. It was much more plot than that. So instead of ruining my perception of what has been a great book series, I have refused to watch the remaining Harry Potter movies.


I'm feeling pretty sleepy now, so I'm off to bed.

Edit: Just noticed that it's been a year exactly since I started this blog. Happy birthday to me and to the ones (not millions or thousands or hundreds or even tens) of readers I have out there.

T Do

I just got done getting the new layout up. I must say it looks pretty nice. Dare I use the adjective "awesome" to describe it? Yes, I do. It only took me the better part of 4 hours with a length break somewhere in between to put this altogether. I finally got it just the way I want it to. The only thing I wish that it could do is to standardize the length of the page, and if the length of the post is too large, the post would then continue on a second page instead of extending the length of the book. A small detail like that does not ruin the layout though. Lots of props go out to the creator of this template (his/her link is at the bottom of the page.) If you can think of any ways to improve this, (i.e. things that are missing or things that I could change), then please comment and say so.

T Do

Liquid Courage.


Should have drank more.



Tonight was fun.

T Do

Coming into the stretch run, just a mere 10 days away now. Excited? Just a little.

Instead of working on my capstone paper, I figured I would enjoy blogging better. I was right. Writing this is a lot more fun than writing a paper for school.

Hibernation is the theme this week.

Four years removed from graduating high school. That many years attending high school graduations after my own. Pretty soon, I am going to be that weird old guy that shows up to all the high school graduations (if I'm not already).

After the events of this past month, I think I'm ready.

NBA game everyday is pure bliss. Lakers FTW.

Todolistthisweek
- Haircut

T Do

With school quickly approaching an end, I find myself reluctant to close this chapter on my life. People say the best years of your life are when you're in college. You get to live on your own, away from home. Stay up as late as you want; eat whatever you want; do whatever you want. The freedom that comes with going to college is the most wonderful experience an 18 year old coming out of high school could have.

You eat instant noodles for the majority of your meals, and if you are lucky, you might befriend a freshman who will treat you to some of his/her meal points. You do not have to check in with your parents. There is no asking permission to do this or do that. There is no curfew. You do what you do. There are no more chores to do around the house. No grass to mow. No dishes to do. You can live as messy as you want. No one to get on to you about cleaning your room.

So here I am, four years later, six weeks from graduation. What do I get to graduate into? Moving back into my family home. Sure I went home every weekend when I am in college. It is a nice break from the college life, a chance to check in on my family, eat a nice meal, and do some laundry. However, I do not want to be back here all week. Getting use to this again will be really hard, especially having already experienced the outside. I will miss the freedoms.

I envy those people that live far away enough to not live at home. Going to school downtown does not afford me that luxury. Sometimes, I wish I would have considered going to a school outside of Oklahoma. I wonder what kind of person I would have become.

Just because I am not ready to move back home, does not mean I do not want to. I actually do. I miss having a good meal everyday. I miss seeing my parents everyday. I want to take my cousins to the park and eat ice cream and sno cones. There's no reason not to anymore.

I said earlier that sometimes I wish I went out of state for school. It's still true, but I never regret my decision. I feel I made the best decision. Stayed close with my close friends, and made new close friends.

I am ready to grow up, whatever path that may lead me.

T Do

Somebody motivate me

may can't get here soon enough

i'll fade into the background

I am falling hard. I mean, this thing usually comes and goes, but this time...I don't know. Why do I write it on here? On the off chance that someone I know and care about reads this and asks what's up? I just needed to tell someone; I don't have anyone really to talk to about this. So here I am. Whoever you are.

T Do

Woot, another post!!

I wish I could write poetry. Or put something cool in here, but you're just stuck with my lame thoughts.

Someone needs to learn "More Than Words" on acoustic with me.

OU football is coming up in about 15 hours. I am jacked up for this season.

The Dasani Ranch trophy is coming to my house this year.

Living away from others has forced me to visit everyone this year, and I like that because I can see a lot more people I don't usually see.

My goal this year is to get to know one new person every day. (or two days)

I am really stressed out right now.

I want some Pho Hoa.

I want to go to Europe.

I want to be a doctor.

I want to go to Vietnam.

I want to go to heaven.

I want to be a better Christian.

I want financial security for my family.

I want peace for my grandma.

I want to go to sleep.

I want someone to watch "How I Met Your Mother" with.

I want too be at peace.

[End of random post.]