I had it in my mind that I was a genuinely nice person.

What happened?

It kills me inside that I do not even notice what I am doing

or realizing the hurt others are going through because of my words or actions.

I was not raised to be this kind of person.

I am ashamed of myself.

I always thought that assholes would finish ahead.

Is it worth it?

No.

I would much rather finish second.

Where can I start over?

How can I start over?

Please forgive me.

I am not awesome.

I am not even good.

Insecure in my thoughts and actions.

You will never see me crack one ever again.

I am truly sorry.

Bear with me for a little more.

And soon,

I will be out of everyone's lives.

For the better.

Go live yours.

And I will go live mine.

Merry Christmas

going to bed after a disappointing day and starting over tomorrow.