Sleepless nights bring out the diary writer in me.
For as long as I can remember, I have been on an impossible quest. One that no mortal person can ever finish. Seeking it has probably ruined many relationships.
PERFECTION
I realize that it is unattainable. But that doesn't stop me from seeking it. It has made me afraid of failure.
Example, I get extremely anxious when put on the spot, when all eyes are turned towards me. I used to be pretty good with this in elementary school. Spitting correct answers left and right. Raising my hand so often, I would switch to the left arm because the right became exhausted.
But now, public speaking has got me figuratively sweating buckets. My heart races. My eyes dart around the room looking for anything to say. My fingers massage each other. I frantically search my brain for the right combination of words.
It's not just public speaking. Anything where I am the center of attention. Anything where I'm not 100% sure I'm perfect. There's that word again.
Afraid of putting myself out there. Afraid of failure. Afraid of embarrassment.
That's why I hide behind a blog no one can find. It's no longer linked. And the followers I had are long gone now (Thanks Tumblr =D).
So sometime between elementary school and now, something went wrong.
Time to start anew.
Time to try new things. And if I fail, I'll laugh with everyone else and move on.
Time to embrace IMPERFECTION.
I'm here.
T Do
For as long as I can remember, I have been on an impossible quest. One that no mortal person can ever finish. Seeking it has probably ruined many relationships.
PERFECTION
I realize that it is unattainable. But that doesn't stop me from seeking it. It has made me afraid of failure.
Example, I get extremely anxious when put on the spot, when all eyes are turned towards me. I used to be pretty good with this in elementary school. Spitting correct answers left and right. Raising my hand so often, I would switch to the left arm because the right became exhausted.
But now, public speaking has got me figuratively sweating buckets. My heart races. My eyes dart around the room looking for anything to say. My fingers massage each other. I frantically search my brain for the right combination of words.
It's not just public speaking. Anything where I am the center of attention. Anything where I'm not 100% sure I'm perfect. There's that word again.
Afraid of putting myself out there. Afraid of failure. Afraid of embarrassment.
That's why I hide behind a blog no one can find. It's no longer linked. And the followers I had are long gone now (Thanks Tumblr =D).
So sometime between elementary school and now, something went wrong.
Time to start anew.
Time to try new things. And if I fail, I'll laugh with everyone else and move on.
Time to embrace IMPERFECTION.
I'm here.
T Do
